as time goes on, the more and more i want this pain to go. it is really starting to ruin my life. i never asked for it, i never expected it, and now i have it, i want it gone as soon as humanly possible. so now the aim is, once i get a bit of money together, i will beg any surgeon in the land (or outside of the land) to fix me. i dont care who does it, i dont care what language they speak or whether they got their medical licence from a kinder egg, i want them to fix me.
i want to be able to provide for vicky and her son. i want to go back out there and get a job. i want us to get a nice house with a garden for nath (and maybe more) to play in and enjoy. am i wrong for wanting this? is it really too much to ask for?? those people out there who have no money worries, no health worries, no worries in general, i envy you, i really do!
As for now, i feel as though i must go through this alone. I feel abandoned by all of those who were meant to support me, and the few that actually wanted to. This has quite simply ruined my life, something people just don't seem to realize.