yesterday i tried something new. i tried closing the gaps in between the times i take my tramadol and pregabalin. taking them at 3 hour intervals starting 12 noon. then at 6pm, i took a diazepam. at about 8pm, the pain started to subside, and i was feeling only slightly groggy. this is the closest i have been to being pain free for years! i will continue to stick to this timetable, unfortunately, to achieve optimum efficiency, i have to take the diazepam every 3 days, that means 2 day of agony in between the sweet spot i can enjoy every third evening.
this might be considered dangerous, taking tramadol so close together, but right now i dont really have much of a choice. i need to find a way to lessen my pain, even if its just for a few hours. it gives me a little hope and something to look forward to.
i feel like im losing my mind lately. the light at the end of the tunnel doesn't seem to be getting any closer, and i am trying to keep it together, but lately, i find even the smallest of tasks frustrating, and the slightest of things that i dont like, i find myself snapping at. this is not me, this is not who i am. i miss being the old me, i just hope the old me isnt lost for good.