thanks Torries

well i had a nice phone call this morning, from the Department for Work and Pensions informing me that my only means of income currently, my ESA, is to be stopped come April 30th, this is because of a new legislation passed through parliament. so now they are sending me a new claim form for a different ESA. if i don't get this, then i will have no income, AT ALL! this along side the DLA being refused, has left me up a very sticky brown creek without a paddle.

i don't vote, never have probably never will, but i have always thought the Conservatives were the lesser or many evils, and have known the Labour have been the source of nothing but problems, but while trying to clean up labours mess, the torries have well and truly arse raped me, AGAIN!

how does the government expect someone who can't work, to live?? i have written to my MP last week about this situation, but as expected, i have heard nothing in return. if anyone wants to know what its like to feel inadequate? come see me!

the day after the day before!

well, i've had 24 hours to think and reflect about all the wise words of wisdom that was said to me yesterday at the hospital, and all i can say in response, is that the specialist i saw, although recommended by trusted professional, really has no clue about medicine. i mean, do these people get their medical licences out of a kinder egg? i was told that he does not think that surgery is the answer, and my symptoms don't match what i have been  told. he then went on to say, and i really liked this bit, that there was no way of knowing what would happen in the next 5 to 10 years!! i told him that there was no way i was staying like this for 5 more years, the only reason i have been able to tolerate this, and i use that term loosely,  for the last 3 years, was because i haven't been this bad for the last 3 years. 

vicky told me afterwards that my fist was clenching just after he dropped this bombshell on me, which would relate to me thinking that i would like nothing more that to see him violently fall off his chair. he was one of the snottiest, big headed, and i must say, rude people, i have ever had the misfortune to encounter. it kinda makes me propose this question to the world; is there a decent medical professional who thinks solely about his patient, and not on statistics or their giant ego. i am really coming to the end of tether with doctors.

anyway, he has booked me in for a couple of nerve related tests, so i will let him run his stupid tests, and then go and find a real doctor who knows what a scalpel is, and knows how to pass basic english!

worse now...

well today im feeling alot worse than i usually am. my sciatic pains are more intense and it feels like someone is stabbing me with a very sharp butchers knife, and twisting it around my spine. but thats not all. my left leg is weak and has been for some time, but im feeling very strange sensations in my right leg, along with increasing sciatic pains. even getting off the couch is a struggle in itself today.

im trying my best to put any pains to one side as vicky is under the weather with an infection, and i want to be there to look after her, and i am trying my best, but it is very hard work just to do easy things like making a cup of tea. but i will carry on, i must carry on. i need to get her better, her health is alot more important than mine is.

i really do wish, and hope, that the neurosurgeon can do something to help me. tuesday cannot come round quick enough....

being screwed over!!

after my third attempt at getting DLA, recommended by my GP, my consultant, and the CAB, i have been declined yet again. this after i have learned that someone who gets a bit sad and anxious every now and again, got it straight away! i am so angry. it is called DISABILITY living allowance. what part of being "sad" is disabling. do these people not realise that seeing my mobility decrease day after day is upsetting?? there needs to be a serious shake up in the system. if needs be i will drag the DSS through every court in the land, until they realise that i am disabled, something that everyone around me can clearly see.

the same goes for the people who dish out disabled "blue badges". i have one of these, and i have it for a very good reason, but the people i often see hogging the disabled spaces, are people who can walk perfectly fine, maybe these people are a bit "sad" aswell, aww, diddums. i don't care who if anyone gets annoyed at me for saying this, as i am even more annoyed than they could possibly be. i understand that there are genuine people with genuine mental health issues who do need help with aspects of their lived, and i respect that, but people who blatantly take advantage of the system just to get an extra buck, which makes it harder for people who actually need the help, like me, need a serious kick up the backside! i have put in an appeal, but i do not hold my breath about it, as this wonderful government that we have is so set on cut backs because they messed everything up, they don't care who's lives they destroy. it would be better if there were a pack of donkeys running the country, at least when they get voted in, everyone knows that they are an "ass" from the start, and not learn it when it is too late.

anyway, im seeing the neurosurgeon in the next few days, so i shall write a new post when i know whats going on, again, im not holding my breath!!