Friday, 26 July 2013

The light? I can't even see the tunnel!!

Things really are getting to me lately. After having a new start to life, a chance to do things i want to do for a change, i'm finding it very hard to do just that. Just doing simple things like socialising is proving to be next to impossible, and those who do socialise with, will soon get sick of my limitations.

My life is being ruined and there is nothing i can do about it, but except it. Today, i did something that, until a few years ago, would have been easy. I had to prize a crumpled bonnet open with my hands. I would have ripped that up like tissue paper, but now, just opening the thing has rendered me on the couch all day, and possibly all weekend.

I need to get my brain around the fact, there are things i just cannot do anymore, and that is highly frustrating for someone who used to be so active, and dare i say it, strong?

Today, i am just blogging to get stuff out of my head, i find writing about it helps to clear my thoughts, so i'm sorry if you find this one dull and full of moans. I'm afraid that i will start to be confined to my flat, with no where to go and no one to see. It will be a lonely existence.

I would give everything i have, which isn't much, to get rid of this and to have my health back. I can still dream, right?

Wednesday, 26 June 2013

Past Mistakes and a New Start

This will be the last post talking about my past, in fact, only part of it will be talking about it. With the events that have occurred over the last few weeks, i have come to realise that my life would be so much better, if I moved away from this area. So that is what  I am doing. Hopefully, touch wood, by Friday I will have the keys to my new place, and leave this retched area behind me, and start a new and better life.

This post is titled 'Past Mistakes', well this isn't exactly accurate, as I only have one mistake that I regret, and that was leaving everything behind, my life, my friends, my stability. I left it all behind on a chance.A chance that I could have a different life, though looking back now, I don't really know what I was looking for. Luckily, I am slowly making up for that mistake. I am reconnecting with people from the past, even my ex is becoming a close friend. Life is definitely on the turn for the better, and it's about time.

So now what? Well, like I say, I am hoping to be in my new place by the weekend, decorating and furniture will be hard, but it is getting done already, thanks to the help of friends, old and new. Then, once I am settled and my ESA and PIP have all be done, I will be looking for some part time work in the near future. There is a very good chance I will not be able to do much, but I am willing to give it my best shot, and see what happens.

I am now only looking to the future. My past is exactly that, my past, and it can stay there. What happened 3 weeks ago could very well be the best thing that has happened to me in the past 2 years. It has given me the shove to get on with my life, instead of wasting my time being with someone, who simply didn't want to be with me. So, to end this post, I will bid farewell to Lancaster, you will not be missed, and hello to the future, as my new life, has only just begun.

Friday, 7 June 2013

Too Much!!!

Things really are starting to get on top of me now. Being pretty much homeless for the past 5 days is taking it's toll and i am yet again, approaching the stage where i just want to give up. All week i have been on the phone and the internet, looking for anyone who can help me, i am coming up short. Ive even been looking at house shares, renting bedrooms from people, anything that i will be able to afford.

Ive been in many stressful situations before, but nothing like this. Being homeless, alone with hardly any support when i need it most. Im even grateful to be able to stay in a caravan, even though it is causing me intense amounts of pain.

I need to find myself a charitable millionaire who will take pity on me and give me a couple of hundred quid. But the thought of even that, is degrading to me. Ive always been the one to help, to give to charity, never the one to take help from them. I dont have much dignity left any more, but i intend to hold on to what little i have left, and i will go MY WAY, not theirs!

Ive always feared change. Change has rarely been a good thing for me, and i fear it more these days more than ever, and when you are forced to change everything at once, it really is a shock to the system. I would struggle with this if i was healthy, which makes trying to cope with it now all the more difficult. I just hope i have the strength to get myself through this. Ive never been one to give up on something, but i fear this wall maybe too tall to climb.

Saturday, 1 June 2013


Well just when i think things can't get worse, someone drops an anvil on my head!. My partner has decided that my disabilities are holding her back from her doing all the things she wants to do, so today (Saturday 1st June) sent round her friend to tell me that i have until Monday to move out!

I am writing this having taken a shed load of pills and a few cans of San Miguel because i really do not care any more! What is my life worth living for? I don't even have a roof over my head from Monday! How can someone who I love, who is suppose to care about me, be so callous and selfish, as to force a disabled man on to the streets, just because she thinks she is missing out on something? The truth of the matter is I do everything she asks, always have done. Everything she needs to do, including running her about while she was setting up her business, and my payment? Homelessness!

As of today I have lost all faith in humanity, and life! Monday morning, i need to ring Wyre borough council to see if they have any emergency accommodation available for me, if not, i will be living in my car. A car that i will not be able to run and has an outstanding log-book loan out on! I estimate i will be able to keep it for 2 months, before it is taken away, and with it, any independence I might still have.

I am not after sympathy. I am writing this just to get some anger off my chest. I probably won't be able to blog again for a while as I might have to sell my phone to try and feed myself.

I am currently on no benefits and thus have ZERO money coming in, and she knew this. She wouldn't even wait until i had sorted my money out before dropping this bombshell on me.  If you were physically disabled and used a wheelchair, could you live with being thrown out of your home, with zero money and zero help available? Just think about it. That slight feel of fear you might have in your stomach, is a true feeling of what I have right now. Complete uncertainty about the future, and not knowing if \I will even survive. But it's ok, at least SHE will be ok with a cosy roof over her head while I will be slumming it wherever someone will take me in!

Maybe now you will see why I have taken pills and alcohol, because deep down, I wish they would send me into a sleep, and I will wake up, and this has all been a nightmare. Please, tell me this is a nightmare!!?

Friday, 26 April 2013

Local Elections

Many areas of the UK will have a local election on the 2nd of May, to elect their new members of parliament. If played right, this could be the beginning of the end for our unelected and unwanted government.

I am not a huge Labour fan. The financial crisis happened on their watch, they went to war whenever oil was involved and they introduced our to country to the vile company that is Atos. However, i believe that we must take inspiration from a very unlikely source.

In World War 2, Churchill realised that he and the allies could not win the war on their own, they needed help. So he turned to someone that no one would have thought of, Stalin. Churchill chose the lesser of two evils to bring down the Nazis and that is what we must do now. Yes there are probably independent parties that are more up our street and would fight harder for the rights of the vulnerable. But with such few people willing to vote for them, i believe a vote there, would be a waste.

I have recently been talking to a Labour candidate in my area north Lancashire, Ben Whittingham. I asked his what his thoughts were on welfare reform, in particularly, disability benefits. He said "Beyond what you probably know I think... I'm anti-ATOS, pro-disability rights, and I'm deeply ashamed of IDS and the DWP". This is all i needed to know. This man is getting my vote on the 2nd.

I urge all people of this nation, who will be having a local election next week, to find out who your Labour candidate is, search for them on twitter or facebook, and ask them what they think of the welfare reform. I think you will be surprised by the answers you get.

Thursday, 4 April 2013


I know, I know, i haven't blogged for a while. To be honest, i've been having a hard time lately with health and money stresses, but i feel i have to write today to vent some anger. As of now, the sick, disabled and the poor are going to be in a much worse situation than before. For starters, there's the Spare Room Subsidy, also known as the Bedroom Tax, which will hit tens of thousands of people in social housing, pushing them closer to the brink of poverty. Among these people are a great many sick and disabled people, who need a spare room carers to sleep, or their partner to stay if a bedroom cannot be shared.

Over the course of this year, and starting now in April, Disability Living Allowance (DLA) is going to be gradually phased out, being replaced with Personal Independence Payment (PIP) in a move to "reform disability benefits". We all know now that the use of the word "reform" basically means to cut, to take money away from those who need it, regardless of who gets hurt! It is estimated that some 500,000 will lose their disability benefits when PIP comes in, and around 200,000 of those will also lose their Motability car, a car they need to stay independent. Without this, they are stuck in their own homes.

I know some of you are thinking that all of this is needed, "we need to save money where ever possible". Yes, i agree, the government does need to start saving money, so what do they do? Vote to get a £31,000 pay rise, plus another £20,000 of expenses, plus a better pension! read here. Is it just me, or does this seem a bit wrong?? Last year, George (part time chancellor) Osbourne had his horse stable built, have a guess who paid for it... that's right, the tax payer. The government is cutting money from every crucial system, like the NHS, just so these money-grabbing MP's can lead a richer life.

I recently checked if there was anyone new in my Google+ circles, and was surprised to see that offices in all 3 major political parties had added me, so im guessing that they are reading this now. So i will take this opportunity to say "hello, thanks for reading, now how about stop thinking of how deep your pockets are, and run this country in the interest of the people, after all, the people are your boss, they pay your wages!"

This government is tearing the country apart. Scotland are already thinking of leaving, and the main reason why the minister for Scotland independence minister, Nicola Sturgeon, gave for the referendum? The Tories! Quite frankly, i don't blame her. If i could, i'd be pushing to get as far away from the money grabbing b**tards  as quickly as i possibly could!

You might not like what i have said in this blog, but like i say, it's a rant to vent some anger that needs to spill. If you agree with what i have said, then thank you for reading, and please comment with any thoughts you have.

Monday, 28 January 2013

Helping me help others

This is just a quick post which will be asking you to help me, so i, among others, can help those who really need it, so please be patient while i rattle on, it really is essential that we help as many people as possible and none of this can be done without your help.

First on the list is one that you may have already heard of. The WOW Petition. This petition is calling for a Cumulative Impact Assessment of all cuts and changes affecting sick & disabled people, their families and carers, and a free vote on repeal of the Welfare Reform Act. Basically, this petition is asking the government to look into how exactly the new Welfare Bill is affecting disabled people and those around them, this includes the ever increasing rate of suicides in this country. Please help us by signing the petition at

Secondly, related to WOW Petition, and something very few people have heard of, but when completed, will automatically launch itself, spreading awareness of the petition to over a quarter of a million people. This is called the WOW Thunderclap. All you have to do is go to and click on "support with Facebook/Twitter. Supporting on both will count as 2 claps, and we only need less than 30 claps with only 3 days left to get them.

Thirdly, again related to WOW Petition, on BBC1 tonight (Monday Jan 28) there is a Panorama program called "The Great Disability Scam?" which looks at how companies are getting rich by forcing disabled people into unpaid work. With this in mind, we invite you to join us on Twitter this Thursday (31st Jan) on #WOWhour to discuss the program, how it affects you and any advice that we can give and suggestions for the petition that can help us, among other things.

Last, but by no means least. DLA is soon to be replaced by PIP and this will mean that there are stricter criteria for people claiming the benefit and will this lead to over 160,000 disabled people losing their high rate of mobility, thus having their Motability car removed, leaving them house bound. With this in mind, i have started a car review site, reviewing cars based around those with mobility issues, for when these people decide to buy a car for themselves. Currently i am working with Toyota and Hyundai and will be working with other manufacturer as the year(s) go on. This is all well and good, reviewing brand new cars, but many of these people will not able to afford brand new cars. That is where you come in. If you have mobility issues and drive a car, i am asking for volunteers to review their own car for my site. Please feel free to take a look at the site If you are interested in reviewing you car for me, please email me at and i will let you know what kind of information i am looking for.

Many thanks for reading this blog post, it is very much appreciated and i hope you can help in any way you can. On a brief but slightly different note, i'd just like to wave hello at the several Governmental and Shadow Governmental departments who are following this blog. It really is nice to know that we are making you sweat under the collar. I can promise you, there will be more to come!

Many thanks again guys.

Monday, 7 January 2013

WOW Petition

As many of you are aware, and many of you also won't be, we are running an e-petition against the Welfare Reform, in particular, those against the sick and disabled. We are calling for Cumulative Impact Assessment on all cuts and changes that the Government has made that affect sick and disabled people, particularly the WCA (Work Capability Assessment) and the Governments contracts with french IT firm ATOS, who run the assessments.

We have already had an overwhelming response from the public about this, will currently over 12,000 signatures in a matter of weeks, but we need your help to sign and spread the word of this petition to as many people as you possibly can.

Since we have gone over the 10,000 signature threshold, the Government, in particular the DWP (Department for Work and Pensions) has to comment and recognise the petition formally in the near future, by commenting on the petition itself, however, for this topic, and the petition to make it to the House of Commons, we need 100,000 signatures by this coming December.

On top of this blog post, i have posted a tab which will take you straight the WOW Petition homepage, where you can sign and use the Twitter and Facebook links to share it with your friends. But please, we also need you to post to people who you may not even know, but who your friends know. You can track our progress for the petition by visiting

So please, i ask you to help us. This will help a great many number of innocent and vulnerable people in our society. Where possible, could you please leave a quick comment on this blog, just so i know how many signatures peoples blogs are helping to get. Unfortunately, with the nature of this petition, it will only work for those who are residents of the UK.

I thank you all for signing and helping and i know that your efforts will not be in vein.

Friday, 28 December 2012

how much more?

Lately, i have been talking with a lot of people, and i can tell you now, that people really are starting to feel the effects of the Governments Welfare cuts. People are starting to panic about how they will be able to afford to buy essential things, such as food. And i can tell you now, that i am one of these people. The stress of the lack of money has always taken a back foot with me. It has always been topped by the stress of my health problems, no more so than lately, when, after a recent  visit to hospital, a physiotherapist and pain specialist, said that my symptoms of widespread chronic pain, among other symptoms, are identical to Fybromyalgia.

So now i have to cope with widespread chronic pain, as well as localised chronic pain from my lumbar spine disc problem, and my GP wants to talk to me about the possibility of Arthritis too. So this kind of stress is hard to beat, or even match, but now i have severe money worries. I try not to get stressed too much about things that are beyond my control, but sometimes it cannot be helped.

Sometimes you feel like a child at school, being picked on by the class bully, except you are not at school, and the class bullies are the people who are suppose to represent you and keep you safe. I long to see the day when David Cameron and his minions are held to account for their heinous crimes against humanity. I hope, for this country's sake, that the Conservative Government is voted out of power at the next election, and never to be voted back in again!

Something needs to be done though now about this Governments ideas of punishing the poor to satisfy the rich. And speaking of doing something, i urge all of you to sign the WOW petition to force the Government to look again at what they are doing with welfare. They need 100,000 signatures by next December and already have nearly 8000. Please help by signing and spreading the word about this petition. 

As for me, with the prospect of having Fybromyalgia, i have once again, sent off for a DLA claim pack. I will keep claiming, over and over again if i need to. My partner has said she will help me fill in the forms if needed. I will keep claiming, as many times as is needed, before they recognise that my claims are legit and essential to my well-being.

After a discussion with a DWP benefits adviser on why ESA assessments with ATOS (Work Capability Assessments) results are being used to determine whether or not someone should get DLA, the response i got was not wholly what i expected. Yes i got the "some parts of the WCA are relevant to the DLA decision making process" but when i asked "how can a WCA result made 6 months before a DLA application be relevent?" she couldn't really give me an answer! This to me is an admition of guilt that they really are not playing by the book, something most of us already know, but surely, this proves it, even to those who are skeptical?

Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Car Review

Hi everyone, this is just a short blog today. I am looking for disabled people to review their cars for my car review site. As many of you will be aware, as of next October, DLA will be fully replaced by PIP, and more than 100,000 disabled people will lose their motability cars, and will have to buy their own vehicle. With this in mind, i have started this project, to review as many cars as possible, for people with disabilities, helping them decide which car is best for them.

In the new year, i will be working with Toyota, Hyundai, Mercedes, Honda, Seat VW and hopefully Kia too. These companies are being kind enough to allow me to review their vehicles. However, what i am most interested in, is what people with disabilities think of the cars that they have right now. That is where you come in. I am looking for disabled people, to tell me about their cars. It doesn't matter whether it's brand new or old fashioned.

I am looking for information on comfort, accessibility, cost of running and space. You do not need to include pictures or economy stats as i will get them from the manufacturer. Information that i need off you, in addition to that mentioned above, is the year of manufacture, model and engine size.

If you are interested in reviewing your own car, then please email me at and i will answer questions you might have.

As this is a new venture, i have only reviewed a couple of cars to date, but if you would like to base your review on any of these reviews, you are more than welcome to. To view these reviews, please visit Don't be afraid to add a spice of personalisation and humour to the blog.

Many thanks for taking the time to read this, and i hope to hear from you soon.